To Run with Friends, Or Not to Run with Friends? That is the Question.

Running has given me the opportunity to meet and connect with people in meaningful and unexpected ways over the years.  To share a love of running and an ability to cover miles during your conversation, those are things that bring people together.  And I’m grateful for all the friendships I’ve had the chance to build and grow because of running.

In college, I ran with friends who I lived with and those who I seldom saw otherwise.  During a time in our lives when all we wanted to do was socialize, running allowed us to multi-task.  Exercise while making our plans for the evening at the same time?  Brilliant!  In dental school, I ran with old friends to keep up with each other and new friends while we got to know each other and connected over something that made us more like human beings with real actual interests rather than just a bunch of dentists struggling to pass biochemistry exams.  (Not that dentists aren’t people too… but let’s be serious, if all you know about someone is that they have a passion for root canals, you’re not likely to try very hard to befriend them.)  Beyond school, I have shared running with my  husband, my dog, occasionally with members of a local running club, more old friends and new friends, and most often my dad.

Running even brings me closer to people who I don’t run with!  When a runner meets another runner, we automatically have a conversation topic to turn to.  In fact, sometimes it’s hard for other people to get a word in edgewise between the “Where do you like to run?” and “Oh, what races are you training for?”  So yeah, in a nutshell, what I’m saying is that running has a MAJOR social aspect.

Then, is it wrong to sometimes want a run to myself?  As a card-carrying introvert, sometimes I need alone time to recharge my batteries, and I get pretty choosy about who I want to spend my time with.  Socializing can feel like really heavy lifting for introverts which limits the pool of potential people to run with.  So far, my dad and my husband are on my short list of people who never wreck my introvert vibe to run with for a few reasons.  I know they’re not judging my relative silence or talkativeness so I feel no pressure to carry on a conversation.  And I’m not self-conscious about running my own pace.  My husband is already slowing down dramatically to run with me, so if I’m running slower than usual, it’s no sweat off my back.  He’s not considering it a workout anyways.  My dad and I generally run the same pace for our training runs, but if one of us is moving a little slower, neither of us cares because we know we have nothing to prove to each other anyways.

To run with someone you’re not close with can lead to a complicated social situation for those of us with social anxiety.  Am I running too slow?  Am I running too fast?  Am I talking too much?  (It’s really hard to put a lot of effort into running and being a good conversationalist at the same time.)  Am I talking enough?  Is this getting awkward?  Because we’ve still got three miles to cover before we get home…  What if I have to stop?  What if I ruin their workout?  What if I can’t keep up?  What if they want to do this again?  What if they don’t?  Sure, it sounds silly when you spell it out, but that’s the internal monologue of an introvert like myself.

And then there are scheduling considerations to account for.  Instead of just stepping out the door at the very moment you’re ready and being done with your workout precisely 30 minutes after it begins, you might have to spend time driving somewhere or waiting for your buddy to be done with work.  It certainly cuts into the efficiency factor.  Who has time for that?

But there are benefits too!  What about that trail you don’t want to run alone because it might not be safe?  Or the often-cited reason for finding a running buddy – accountability?  What about that feeling you get at the end of the run when you’ve accomplished something together, and now you’re closer than you were before?  Maybe initiating that run with a friend is just like initiating a run, itself.  It can be hard to get going, but you’re never sorry at the end, are you?

The moral of the story is this.  As I look back on the many runs I’ve shared and the many I’ve done alone, I can’t think of any that I’ve regretted.  So yeah, make time for yourself when you need it, but make sure you get outside your box sometimes too.  If someone invites you to run together, even if it’s a little inconvenient, go the proverbial “extra mile” and make it happen.  It’s worth it.