Finding Happiness by Knowing Yourself Better

Or: All I Really Want is Healthy Food and a Good Run

I’ve spent a good bit of my life searching for happiness and assuming that it would arrive in the form of the attainment of traditional goals like career success.  I have been living with the subconscious belief system that happiness will be a destination, even though my brain knows better.  Happiness is in the things we do every day.  And if you can’t find it now, then it’s time to make changes!

One of the biggest road blocks between me and happiness has been a failure to identify what makes me happy.  If you don’t take the time to figure out what those things are, then how can you ever be sure that the work you’re doing is helping you to get there?  If you can identify what makes you happy, then you can start living a life purposefully directed towards achieving and sustaining happiness.

I read a little parable in a business book recently, and I thought it was fairly profound.  I don’t know who the original author was, but I found it for the first time reading a book by Chris Guillebeau (cited at the end of this post).

An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked.  Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna.  The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The Mexican replied, “only a little while. The American then asked why didn’t he stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs. The American then asked, “but what do you do with the rest of your time?”

The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siestas with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine, and play guitar with my amigos.  I have a full and busy life.” The American scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing, and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually New York City, where you will run your expanding enterprise.”

The Mexican fisherman asked, “But, how long will this all take?”

To which the American replied, “15 – 20 years.”

“But what then?” Asked the Mexican.

The American laughed and said, “That’s the best part.  When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions!”

“Millions – then what?”

The American said, “Then you would retire.  Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siestas with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”

I love this story, but first, a disclaimer. I do identify as a capitalist, and I do think it’s important to plan for retirement.  Ok, good.  That’s off my chest.  Now… let’s talk about what we can learn from the fisherman.  The important part of this story is that the fisherman had identified what he really wanted in life.  He was happy fishing, and he had found a way to live so that he did what he loved every day.  When faced with the alternative of growing that business, he realized that he would have to sacrifice lots of the things he loved doing (spending time on his boat fishing and coming home in the evening to relax) and start doing things he didn’t necessarily want to do (managing a staff, figuring out complicated logistics, and dealing with more demanding customers) in order to gain things that he didn’t care about (more money and all its trappings – a bigger house, fancier clothing, whatever… ).  He was already doing the things he loved, and fortunately he had the wisdom to realize it!

So I sat down and, as Chris Guillebeau recommends, I tried to figure out what my perfect day looked like.

I wake up in a beautiful location.  I have at my disposal a kitchen full of unlimited options when it comes to healthy foods.  I can choose fresh fruits, nut butters, whole grain breads, fresh farm eggs, organic meats, imported cheeses, freshly ground coffee, whole grains and beans, dried fruits, organic greens straight from a local farm!  Mmmmm….So I’ll start with my healthy breakfast.  Maybe I’ll check my emails?  Then, at my leisure, I’ll head out the door for a run somewhere beautiful – on a dirt path that feels great on my knees, on the beach or a long stretch of road covered by Spanish moss hanging from old oak trees.  There will be mountains or shoreline, something striking to look at every day.  And then I’ll return to prepare food for lunch, do some writing, and leave the afternoon open-ended.  I’ll end the day with a glass of wine or two, maybe dinner with friends, and head to bed early to read a great book!

That’s it!  That’s all I want!  It’s so simple, it’s stupid!  Ok, great, but base my life around running… ?  Food… ?  I’m not a chef, and I’m not at risk of becoming a professional runner.  Does it really make sense to give these things top billing in my life?  Isn’t that kind of irresponsible?  Shouldn’t my career come first?  And then I’m supposed to fit running into the spaces and nooks and crannies around the “important” things, right?  That’s what everyone else is doing, so it must be true.

In the words of another great business mind, Gary Vaynerchuk, “Winning is when you get to do what you want.”  Well, I haven’t won yet, but now I know what I’m playing for.  After taking Chris’s and Gary’s advice and looking at my life from a different perspective, I started to understand that most of us have it backwards.  Now I know what I’m working for.  I’m working for the right to do what I want.  Now I have BIG goals  to restructure my career so that my happiness comes first.  Instead of squeezing running into the nooks and crannies, I’m trying to find a way to make my career fit around my running and my cooking.  The important thing is that my work has a purpose now.  To be clear, nothing about my current career or my schedule is different yet.  I still have the same job, I’m still tired in the evenings, and I still miss workouts because of obligations that sap my time or energy.  B my mindset has changed, and I’m already happier because I know what I’m working toward, and I know that my goal is to change the way that I work. I feel satisfied because I’m being proactive.  It means that I don’t have to blindly chase income like the businessman wanted the fisherman to do.  Instead, I’ll chase precisely what I want.

Ok, let’s beat this to death with another timeless quote.  Just one more from another all-time great, Stephen Covey.  “Begin with the end in mind.”  As he makes very clear in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, you must know where you want to go if you ever hope to get there.  Working for the sake of working doesn’t necessarily lead to success.

I was trying to find a way to fit food and running into the life I thought I was supposed to lead, but now I’m trying to find a way to create a life that I want to lead around food and running (and sure, a few other important things too).  To take a page out of Gary V’s book again, it all starts with knowing yourself.  Start by figuring out what makes you happy.

*Lots of the inspiration for this post has come from Chris Guillebeau and two of his recent books, The Happiness of Pursuit and Born for This and from Gary Vaynerchuk‘s consistent message of hustling with a purpose and the importance of knowing yourself better.